Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Trapeze

(post originally written on Dec. 9th)

I began a post earlier today, and just felt numbness as I wrote. As I slowed myself down and noticed the numbness, I thought, "What is it I really need right now?" I've been a bit behind on writing and have wanted to get around to a post for a couple of weeks, but I realized that as much as I wanted to give and share, what I really needed was something to feed me. I feel like I've been needing more often than I've been able to give the last few weeks. Perhaps when we're in transition with something, and feeling the weight of the stress, it's helpful to honor our need for more rest, more downtime, and more help from those around us. I watched my roommate get ready for Church, and felt a longing to go simply to have some company and something to do. And yet, I knew I didn't really want to be there. Mostly I was lonely and longing for some company and connection.

I got on netflix to find a movie that might offer a sense of communion and connection with something greater than what I felt connected to at that moment (loneliness, confusion, boredom). I ended up watching a movie called, "Raw Faith." It was interesting and offered some parallels and understanding. I especially connected with Marilyn (the main character) taking a risk to let go of something MAJOR in her life (her position as leader of her church), not knowing what would follow, to make space for the the kind of life & love she was now ready for. She talked about it being like swinging from one trapeze to another. As you let go of the trapeze you're holding, there is a moment when you're suspended mid-air, not knowing for sure that something else will show up to hold you. But if you're willing to take the risk and follow the inner guidance, you have a great opportunity for the next experience of growth to show up.

"Life is a labor pain, we are here to give birth to ourself."
- Bernie Siegel

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